Dreams.

I really still want to. Those promises we made, plans...
Going USS, Halloween, Flyers, just with me, both of us. Zoo , everything ,
everything I wanna just do it with you, no one else...
I need you... really,
Only if you know, we are gonna change things once we are together again , restarting all over
again, forget everything we had in september...
How I wish. I am dying for your smile, its so far since I haveto see it. I need to work for it all over again , where its reeally a smile just full of happiness...

30th Sept.

Woah, now so complicated,
17 more minutes to 1st month, I rather not celebrate it, I would choose 1st as our date again if only its possible, only when we really change. I would choose to restart, and I would still you choose you. I dont need some girls whose already good to come in, I want someone who really needs me, make use of me.

Was really misunderstanding, you already told me its impossible that you would change the taiwan trip, you even put your stand, you said no matter what happens, you would still go with him.. then you told me he liked you and still chasing after you. Of course, the first moment I heard that I would really decide on holding or not. Cause if loyal, of course your willing to give up... THEN you gave it up really just for me. Now its my fault. Me to blame, now no matter what I do, I won't get you back. Regret yeah?

Instead waiting for miracle to happen, I will look for miracle...

Nights baby girl, stop crying, I am really sorry...

30.9.2012

Have you been drinking ? I am as worried , I keep it cause I knew if I said you might drink more. Thats what I am really afraid of. Your stubborn I dont no how to control ya know ? If only you know everything I do was for you. I wanna hear you. I wanna know. What happened recently. Dont sick please. Cause not now , at least when we are okay? I still want to be the reason you smile ya know ? I am not , dont assume , its not like when we break , I will leave you alone. I will still love you until I cannot do it anymore. Now I guess the only problem was just.. my time and not making time ? I would I always ask what you have... I look forward always , when we are both free. Then we make time..

Really go to your feelings , if you cannot take my way of managing time... then eventually we will go down... correct ?

hm.

I guess I really have to tell you everything now. Straight, the only reason, I dont like to tell you things is only because you will be angry 90% if I tell you about things , and when your angry and when I tell you , you would reply , 'whatever' , 'dont no'. How to really tell you things this way. It will only make things worse. No one would go and spoil their happy time, correct?
Whenever, you want things you know, like suddenly want things but I really couldnt afford, I would.. think, I dont have the ability to do so.. Yes , I will buy them but it would be at monthsary like I am buying something for you this 1st Oct , and when you want something , I couldnt stop it , you want means you want it. I dont no how to make you understand.
I never respect your uncle, I respect every elder, the main thing I am putting on respect is the way he handle things just now. Its no way I am giving up my respect, I never shout at people uncle than me unless they disrespect me first.
There are limits to things, its not a want then you will confirm get it, I use to think this way, is like you want this boyf then you will get ? Nope , sometimes, things will block us, if we cannot continue something , we change plans by being flexible we find other way out. -> Dont have to get a perfect boyf , get someone thinks that they are suitable for you. Like you know if you cant have steamboat today, you can have it tomorrow , if its close today , you also lanlan right?
Its my fault, I didnt fulfill my promise , cause I promised you going to house stay for the whole period and now I can only stay like weekends.. that is because there are things we cannot predict and control ya, but I promise that I would go as long as I could , cause I know even you want me to not go your house cause its very inconvient. I am not God , I cant change things, I cant make it the way I want it just because I want it. I am just a mere boy, havent even get into adult stage.
I am also so sorry , I forgot your probation , most probably the most important things , you shout by at me. Ouch, it really hurt, everytime. You may not mean it but ... I took everything seriously, I cant act as nothing happened cause its part of it , like girls, they remembered every single shit guys say to them , I really will do my part to really understand you but there are really so much things , that will disappoint you , i could remember alot of you , i cant remember all of yours because I really not superman , i aint perfect. but i would never stop trying you know.
There is things like asking before assuming , on this , its really easy , as long as we both dare to ask nothing would go wrong. yes I would like to tell you everything , only if I got the chance...
The only thing I dont like is when you angry , i cant talk to you and everything you said will hurt , thats the most main thing...
I wouldnt spoil any more ...  you know when I need to promise , I will think about it. but you came along with your puppy eyes , so cute ! and keep spam me 'please please please please ! promise me!!' next time , I will think before I promise okay ? all because I was worried you get disappointed but now your feeling even more than disappointment because of broken promises. so I know whats wrong on this.
I am feeling the same exact feeling , I would also try my best to you know spend all most time with you , but my thought are different , as long as I could spend time with you , just by your side... you know I would be really happy , even listening to your voice on the phone.. thats enough , I dont expect much .. i really hope I would spend all my other time on you but there are things that are also important . but just all this is making it worth it and really just on you . its worth my time.
thanks , i know that you appreciate stuff i do . but do you know by buying stuff , all this it takes effort , they dont come easily , i plan stuff , i plan where to go , buy what food for you. even when I dont have enough money , juust to make you happy , I wouldnt want to take my meals , just because its that worth it.
my family has always been on finiacial problem , if i just stop working , i would never really afford my own stuff you know... and its really important for me... once i stopped i would have problem ... but the thing is ... i still have dreams , i want to make them come true.
its me , i dont really change for people , we are the same from the start, that part of me is still there, but we have to always fight the thing infront of us before going back there , it will naturally come.
just like any love song . they have meanings behind every song. its time , we really need to talk about , and there must be things we need to accept you know.. it doesnt come with perfect , its a relationship you fight together then you will earn it. and treat it the most important thing ever.

APPRECIATED !

Hey baby girl ! You know my birthday just ended , and you know from start all the way , from monday ! you met me when you dont even want to , when you ended up sad going home .. and even came back second day just for me ! I really do appreciate . those shirts ! are nice ! they are from your heart ! and most specially its about the cake ! i finished the cake this morning . haha ! its very tall you know ? now arguing with you ... really have to make a decision ... its about you . i dont regret to things i do , yes i do it my way , i dont change and as long its integrity. anyway. the cake was from your heart , totally agreed with cousin . and lastly you even planned buffet with me on actual day on my birthday ! <3 really appreciate it , even though , you were angry with things and stuff , but I love you thats all i really know , when you love someone its really like the apple of my eyes , you just wanna see them happy , thats all...


NO , I NEVER WAS LYING , I WAS ADMIRING THE WAY YOUR UNCLE DO THINGS , I RESPECT, I TOLD YOU I WAS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER GUYS. HE HAS HIS STAND , HE CARED FOR AHMA.
I am really different from other guy , I ain't that person who you really look for , but , I can be the person you really love . When time comes it will make sense , people cherish after that lost , and only think ..

28sept , happybirthday yaosiang :)

Hey ! Baby girl , i know time is getting lesser , its because whatever johnathan said was correct. if there even money , its impossible this relationship would carry on ... now your quarreling , very angry ... but I am super hurt , i dont no how long i can hang on ... but ... i dont no ... sometimes , i am not really superman you know ? I fail ... really . Im sorry ... i couldnt be perfect , maybe there is more perfect boys , jsut just want you to know i keeps trying everytime , i just dont want you to climb over me ... i try to change that .. might lose you but I will try as long as there is hope...

and i just wanna say thanks for everything , the birthday , you even pon school just for my birthday ... dont no what to say , wordless ... i know you really do love me .. you know .. i really appreciate everything you did for me .

wtf can i do.